Better Life Coaching
Karen Morley

Choosing the Best Model of Divorce for You

 

The way a couple approach separation and divorce and the way they go through the process creates the dynamics of their future relationship. It is important to move forward with the least amount of personal damage, and this is, of course, especially important when children are involved. The use of a family consultant/coach before, during and after the divorce, will ensure just that - creating the best co parenting relationship and the best future for yourselves.

 

There are a variety of methods of divorce to consider when planning the best process for you and your spouse.

 

Collaborative Process

Most people are looking for a fair financial settlement, the least damaging way through divorce for the family and the best for their children, and most likely wanting to stay out of Court!

Communicating at meetings to resolve issues is often a far more beneficial approach for both individuals than fighting through the court process and it is generally a faster and more family focused approach than the traditional approach. Research suggests the most harmful environmental factor for children's psychological health is discord between parents.

It is often a cheaper and speedier option as well, affording you more control over dates and times of meetings and the overall timescale of the process.

 

Your separation is an emotional crisis as well as a legal problem and a collaborative pair of lawyers, a family consultant and a financial adviser will make your divorce as painless as possible. They are there as a group, to support you in every aspect of your separation and divorce

 

You both have your own independent lawyer to advocate for you, to provide legal information, and to make sure that you get to say what is important to you.

The family consultant is there as a communication coach and to help both of you to be able to negotiate and make decisions, they also help in making the emotional decisions around the children to ensure their well being.

The financial planner is there to help understand what is possible for your property settlement and supporting your children.

The family consultant and financial advisor can be involved as much or as little as needed.

 

For this form of divorce a lawyer needs to be collaboratively trained and I can offer you a list of lawyers with this qualification.

 

Mediation

In mediation you have one mediator working with both of you at the same time and they are impartial. The mediator will meet with you and your partner together and will identify those issues you can’t agree on and help you to try and reach agreement. Mediators will usually recommend you obtain legal advice alongside the mediation process.

The process gives the parties a chance to explain their issues, hopes, concerns and needs to each other in the presence of a qualified family mediator.

 

The mediator will help you to explore options and assist you in checking how practical your proposals really are, guiding you to reach acceptable and workable solutions. However, the outcome you reach is entirely under your control.

 

The family mediator does not advise people what to do, give them legal advice or counselling.

 

The Court Process -Traditional Divorce

You appoint a family lawyer who focuses on your interests and who negotiates with your partner's lawyer. Outcomes often largely depend on what the lawyers would expect the outcome of any eventual court process.

In a traditional divorce husband and wife draw up statements setting out their financial positions. Communication happens by letters that can go back and forth, increasing costs and polarising positions. 

If agreement can't be reached, an application is sent to the court, The court will then issue a formal timetable of the next steps - you may face long delays before your case is heard. If the court process reaches what is called the Final Hearing, the court has broad discretion to reach a final decision and make a Court Order based on what the judge thinks as fair.

This can be a very protracted and expensive option.

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Round Table

Where both parties and their lawyers meet together to work to resolve the situation. Each lawyer is working for their own client so not to be confused with collaborative when the lawyers actually work with each other and both the parties to help reach an agreement.

 

DIY

Negotiating you own agreement, with or without professional support. This may work for couples who remain on good terms, communicate well with each other and trust each other sufficiently to agree on how to share money and property and make arrangements for the children

You may find it helpful to have a 'safety check' with professional legal advice at the beginning and throughout the process to ensure your rights and the full implications of any agreement and decisions that you make, and to ensure they are legally binding.

 

Arbitration

In family arbitration you and your partner appoint an arbitrator who will make a decision that will be final and binding between the parties, on any financial and property disputes. The same arbitrator will deal with all stages of the case from start to finish, and will make a decision after hearing each party's case.This process will give more flexibilty as to the time and place of hearing and is less formal than a courtroom.

 

Please contact me on 023 8081 2758 for details of divorce coaching sessions throughout Southampton, Bournemouth, salisbury, Hampshire, Dorset, Wiltshire and the New Forest.  If you are further afield we can work by telephone and email.  Find out today about the results you can enjoy.